i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Bring me that man meat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
