Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
