are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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