Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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