You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
