i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
