The maid of honor just puked.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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