We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
