And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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