Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my being single is dangerous.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
