Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize