I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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