Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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