I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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