I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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