dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
