They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
