Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
