Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
honey bunches of taint.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
