Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
