thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
