How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
