is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
