her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
