I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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