wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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