Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
