i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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