this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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