Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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