if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
