I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can text with my tongue
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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