i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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