i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this is an emotional support booty call
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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