i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
