I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
