Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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