I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
