We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
