I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
