yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
