I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
