I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
