She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
