i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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