I will die if light touches me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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