I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
