just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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