just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
