Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
