I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
