you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
