We won't sleep together?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize