I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Houston, we have a blender
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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