Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
