Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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