also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
