my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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