Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
