I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize