Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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