and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
