Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
