I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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