Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
