I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize