i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
