I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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